i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
