the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
