was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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