Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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