k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
