jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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