I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
