dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
