porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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