wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
