I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
