literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
