I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
