Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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