Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Someone shattered a urinal.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
