Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
