Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
