He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
im on a boat
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