Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
