My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
