nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
