I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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