About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
