mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
