I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
