Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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