"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
