Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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