The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
