I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
