have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
