The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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