Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
