well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
