There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
