addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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