also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
