I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
