I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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