I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
