sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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