she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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