I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Randomize
