I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
