I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
