If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Randomize
