Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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