At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
