New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
