walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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