maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
