mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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