he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
