I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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